A fresh look at the little niggles that cause stress

Everyday life can leave us with steam coming out of our ears and the feeling that we just can’t cope with it all; here are the tips that can help our life easier and stress less.

I don’t have time to get everything done

We all fulfill a dozen roles, are busier than ever, and never have enough time to get things done. But if we’re constantly on the go, we become exhausted, maybe irritable, and everything we do seems insurmountable. Take 20 minutes out of your day to do something entirely unrelated to your to-do list. It might seem counterproductive when you’re so busy, but not only does a break leave your feeling energized, it gives you more space in your mind to cope and achieve things more effectively.

Try an activity that takes you completely out of your situation. If what you’re doing is physical, change tempo by sitting down and listening to classical music, or read a magazine. If you’re in front of a screen, get out for a short work.

I just can’t say ‘no’ to people

If this habitual, it’s a sign of a Pleasure personality. Pleasures always look for approval and say yes too often because they’re frightened if they say no, they’ll be rejected. But, by taking on too much, we feel overwhelmed, stressed and resentful.

Stop overvaluing other people and undervaluing yourself. Take time out to do something purely for you, whether it’s going to the theater, taking a day off work or gardening. You might think it’s selfish, but it gives you an opportunity to build your own sense of self-worth. Start saying no. It’s okay to tell a few white lies at first. It’s also fine to use voice-mail, email or text, at first. Eventually, when someone asks you to do something, instead of saying yes straight away, say “I’ll get back to you”. Then, write down what you want to say and practice saying no and giving your reason, in a polite, but firm, manner. Having words ready will make it easier.

There are too many difficult people in my life

It could be anyone in your life, a colleague, family member or friend who’s prickly, demanding or always thinks they’re right. It stresses us out because they’re exhausting to deal with, but difficult people are only difficult because we allow them to be.

They need to know their behavior is inappropriate. But plan what you want to say and how you’ll say it, so your message comes across without them feeling victimized. Be open, friendly and positive. Instead of confronting your friend with, “Why do you always have to be so defensive?” try, “Your anger’s making me feel uncomfortable. Can we talk about it?” Your relationship will improve because both of you have been honest. If they don’t like it, then it shows that the relationship is imbalanced and unhealthy for you. If change isn’t possible, arrange things so you don’t spend as much time with them.

Work problems keep going round in my mind

So many of us simply can’t leave work behind at the end of the day and take the daily stresses back home with us, when we should really relaxing.

Wash yourself of work. Doing that in a literal sense can be helpful. Have a bath or shower when you get in and, as you wash, imagine you’re cleansing away the stresses of your work day. Watch them disappear down the plughole. You’ve left work physically, so you need to leave it emotionally too. “Break the sate” by going from work into something enjoyable that also empties your kind, an exercise class or going to see a film. It’s been proved that those who take time out live longer, healthier lives. Alternatively, try this simple meditation technique. Sit or lie with your head, breathe it out and concentrate on the empty space between your thoughts.

I can’t help putting things off

We all procrastinate to a degree, and usually over tasks or decisions we find difficult or where we fear failure. If you’ve been asked to do a challenging presentation at work, your mind will scan your past and think, “I’ve never done this before, so maybe I can’t.” Then when we get to the end of the day without achieving anything, we beat ourselves up. That constant berating exacerbates the problem. Anxiety starts to build and feelings of low self-esteem and stress increase.

Give your brain new evidence that you can do it. Visualize a good end result and pay attention to how happy and positive you feel for achieving it successfully. When you create a positive scenario of where you want to be, your mind will feel safe. You don’t have to complete the task immediately. Break it down into small steps. If it’s that presentation, perhaps you need to do some research first. See how much better you feel after doing just a little towards your goal.

The person who I’ve paid just hasn’t delivered

Whether it’s your cleaner who never dusts the skirting-boards, or the builder who has cut corners, there’s nothing more frustrating than paying for a service that doesn’t get done properly. We complain to everyone we know about it, except the offender, and end up doing the work ourselves, getting more stressed as they carry on regardless.

Unless you say you’re unhappy, they’ll either think that you’re happy, or that they’re getting away with it. Practice what you’re going to say before you speak, so you come across as friendly and positive rather than angry and demanding. Detail exactly what you expect from them and what you require to set it right. Something like, “The skirting-boards get really dirty with the dog, so please could you pay extra attention to them?” With builders, speak to the senior person who took on the job and, again, be very specific about what’s lacking and what’s required.

Other people’s irritating habits drive me mad!

sitting next to a habitual sniffer at work, or the partner who always asks you something just as you are about to leave the house can create undue stress, particularly if you’re trying to work or in a rush. But often the guilty party isn’t conscious of their behavior, or the fact that it’s sending your stress levels through the roof.

Rather than sighing constantly or having a row with a family member, pick a time when you’re not stress to explain to them in a polite and friendly way that it’s an issue for you. Then head off the problem, maybe by giving the sniffer a box of tissues, but smile at the same time, or make a point of asking your partner if he wants to check anything about family arrangements.

My friend’s bad moods can really bring me down

They’re the people you can sense are in the bad mood before they’ve even spoken, and can bring a room down with their negativity. It’s hard for the rest of us, because we think it’s our fault.

Ask them what’s bothering them. If you feel you can’t talk to them, remember that 99 per cent of the time, it’s not you causing the moodiness, and it’s not your responsibility to deal with it, either. Imagine a shield wrapped around you, which protects you from their negativity. If it helps, you can use a physical boundary, such as your desk, as a visual aid.

I can’t switch off from money worries

Financial worries can create anxiety, insomnia and a sense of low self-esteem. Often, we’re embarrassed by our situation so we don’t talk about it, but, if we did, we’d realize that a lot more people a in a similar position as we are.

Find activities that enhance your life, but don’t cost anything, maybe a walk with a friend, doing something creative such as painting, or even knitting or listening to music. When you’re stressed about money, it’s in your head the whole time. You need to close that off and give yourself another perspective that there are good things in life that don’t cost money. Talk about it with someone. It doesn’t have to be a professional, it could be a friend or family member you trust, someone who’ll give you advice and help you see that you’re not alone.